Sacred
by The Faver
Summary: A collection of (mostly Kaoru-centric) drabbles and shorts. Twins x everyone. Angst and navel-gazing.
1. Belong

Title: Belong

Summary: It may seem that Kaoru is losing himself to HikaruandKaoru, but you can't lose something you never had.

Words: 1000

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Hikaru and Kaoru were together every minute of every day their entire lives. They were as close as two people could be. Every motion, every joke, was anticipated and shared. They lived completely in sync. Even married couples got sick of each other after too many years breathing the same air, but Hikaru and Kaoru, as far as they could remember, had never been in a single real fight. There were no conflicts because they were past the point of simply completing each other, like some human yin and yang. They had completely _merged_. They were one. Sometimes Kaoru forgot that they weren't actually conjoined twins; his brother was constantly in the corner of his eye.

There had never been a Kaoru and Hikaru. It was always HikaruandKaoru. Everyone referred to them as a pair. Their classmates, their servants, their mother. Even they themselves chose the word "we" over "I" the overwhelming majority of the time. Who was Kaoru without his Hikaru?

Who was Kaoru?

Was there even such a thing as just-Kaoru? Was that concept even possible? Hikaru could barely function without his twin. While Kaoru could tolerate being alone, he didn't prefer it. While sometimes he felt suffocated by his human shadow, he didn't feel secure without him. Alone, he felt out of place everywhere in the world. But with Hikaru, there was never any question to whether he belonged.

Kaoru leaned into the mirror over their grandiose double sink. His reflection felt alien. Even in his own skin, he was out of place. It was funny, he knew every inch of his brother, but he hardly recognized his own body even though it was supposedly identical.

He stared for a while, twisting his neck this way and that, tilting his head around to examine where the shadows fell. _Is one of my ears bigger?_ he thought to himself, looking back and forth in the mirror. _No, one is pointier. My left ear is slightly rounder than my right. I never noticed_…

"Hey, gorgeous," Hikaru teased as he entered. "I know you're a piece of art, but you can't stare at yourself forever."

Kaoru laughed nervously and pried himself away from the counter, only to tug gently at his ears, mesmerized. If he could see the difference between his own two ears, why couldn't anyone see the difference between two people? Was it really that hard?

"And no, you can't stare off into space forever, either." Hikaru rolled his eyes. "Geez, is that all you ever do? It's not healthy, you know." Hikaru walked into the corner of the oversized bathroom, next to their open-ended luxury shower with three waterfall showerheads. He kicked his boxers aside carelessly and pressed the dial pad to set the temperature. The water ran.

Fog enveloped his brother, but Kaoru still recognized his brother's back perfectly. Even from a distance, he knew exactly where the thin scar was Hikaru got when he fell on a rock several years ago. It was as if he had a coordinate system for Hikaru's entire skin. Without thinking, Kaoru reached his arm around and rubbed his own lower back. No scar. Kaoru's eyes came back into focus and he shook his head. _What am I doing_? he thought and exited the room.

Kaoru prided himself in being the perfect brother, and Hikaru prided himself in the same. Onlookers agreed that it was amazing how well they got along, how well they understood each other. But lately, Kaoru was having doubts. Did he really know anything about Hikaru, anything important at all? If they had always been HikaruandKaoru, then that was all they knew. And if Kaoru didn't even know who Kaoru was outside of that, then surely Hikaru didn't either.

His whole body felt cold and tight.

The only time Kaoru was truly alone was in his thoughts. The only time Hikaru was truly alone was in his emotions. Sure, thoughts and emotions often overlapped between the two, but Kaoru was one to lock himself away deep in his own mind, the same way Hikaru lost himself in his temper. And they let themselves, they indulged in it because that eccentric behavior was the only way they could feel real.

Like everything else in their world, their days blurred together. Kaoru expected his life to continue in this double-monochrome pattern forever. Sometimes he wondered if loneliness would be better than this confusion. When he was seven, he once wished upon a star to be an only child. When he woke up and Hikaru wasn't beside him, he panicked. His head spun and he couldn't breathe. It took him a good twenty minutes to scour a single floor of the huge mansion. When Hikaru found his brother, Kaoru was tearing their father's study apart, sobbing hysterically. Hikaru, still a bit damp and cold from going out to witness the first snow of the season, shook his twin until Kaoru stopped crying long enough to vomit all over him. Kaoru never told Hikaru about the wish he made, and that night, he made a new wish; he asked to have never been born, for Hikaru to be free of him.

Kaoru had more love for Hikaru than he knew what to do with. Even after hearing countless "true love" fairy tales, he couldn't imagine he could ever love anyone, in any way, more than he loved his brother. That love filled him to the brim, threatened to ooze out of every pore. He lived for Hikaru. He cherished HikaruandKaoru, but he knew that just-Hikaru would be an amazing person if given the chance, and he wanted to see if just-Kaoru would be too.

Over the years, Kaoru learned to stop making wishes upon stars, because not even magic could decode the meaning behind his twisted and tangled contradictions.

Kaoru was out of place yet again, even in his own heart.

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**A/N: I'll edit this later for flow. I know these short stories are pretty unexciting since it's mostly just introspection, but I still try and make them interesting to read! Comment if you have suggestions! I want to hear what you guys think of my writing, even if you dislike it!**


	2. Play

Title: Play

Summary: A joke is just a joke. It's not the twins' fault if no one has a sense of humor. But sometimes, Kaoru wishes more people got the punch line.

Words: 1100

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"You WHAT!?" The voice echoed through the mansion hallway.

"I'm sorry, Hikaru!" Kaoru raised his arms in defense. "I swear, I didn't think you would-"

"I can't believe you! You hijacked my presentation!?"

"You were in the bathroom!" Kaoru argued. "You were gone for a long time! I figured your nerves got to you!"

Hikaru sputtered. "So what! I decided to present tomorrow instead! Do you know how long I spent preparing for that? And you just decided to _wing it_ for me!?"

"I thought I did pretty good," Kaoru mumbled.

Hikaru pushed past him and grabbed a pillow and blanket. "You better hope so! That's worth a quarter of my grade!"

"Hey, what are you do-"

Hikaru centered his palm on Kaoru's chest and shoved him into the hallway. He tossed the pillow and blanket. "I can't even look at you right now! You're not sleeping in here tonight!"

The bedroom door slammed on Kaoru's stunned expression. "Oh, c'mon Hikaru, don't be like that!"

The doorknob creaked. A pair of pajamas flew at Kaoru's face. There was a second _SLAM!_ and then a _click_ as the lock turned.

Kaoru clutched at the silky fabric. He stood motionless, drilling holes into the door with his eyes. Any moment now, the door would open and Hikaru would come rushing into his arms. Two minutes passed, then three. _Any moment now_…

He was used to these outbursts, but Hikaru was more irritable than usual lately. Kaoru sighed and grabbed his pillow off the white carpet. There were several guestrooms he could choose from. But they all looked so big and hollow and lifeless to Kaoru. He dragged his feet downstairs and wandered into the main room. A cozier space seemed much more appropriate if he was going to be all alone for the night. After he changed out of his clothes and rinsed his face, he snuggled into the couch. It was tiny compared to his king-sized mattress, but he figured a little claustrophobia was good for the soul. It would help him feel less lonely.

Hikaru would apologize, like he always did, and he would be sincere. And Kaoru would forgive him, like he always did, with just as much sincerity. It was just a matter of patience. This tried-and-true promise lulled Kaoru's eyes shut.

He was barely dozing off when he heard the hesitant steps of bare feet on the hardwood floor. He screwed his eyes tighter.

"Kaoruuuu," a voice whined.

He opened one eye to see Hikaru standing several steps away. Kaoru rolled over stubbornly, showing his back to his twin.

"Kaoru, I'm sorry!" Hikaru begged. Kaoru smirked in triumph but remained motionless. "Please come back! The bed is cold!"

Kaoru peered over his shoulder. Hikaru was on the verge of tears. He looked desperate and insecure, like a little child. It was simply adorable.

Kaoru tilted his chin up smugly. "Aren't you going to thank me?"

Silence. Kaoru almost laughed at the sight of his brother's inner turmoil. Hikaru was too stubborn to say such a thing so easily, which was exactly why Kaoru requested it. Hikaru was still upset about earlier, but he was more upset about sleeping alone. He curled and uncurled his fingers several times, cheeks reddening behind his childish pout. Finally… "T-thanks," he muttered.

Kaoru cupped his ear. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that."

"THANK YOU! Alright? Thanks for saving my hide in class! Now, would you come back to bed already?"

Hikaru watched as his brother took his sweet time stretching out his arms and legs and burrowing further into the cushions. Then he proceeded to yawn for a minute straight. This was getting annoying…

"Oh, Hikaru, but I just got comfortable!" Kaoru smacked his lips. "If you miss me so much, then come sleep with me right here."

Hikaru grimaced. "On that tiny thing?"

"It's quite cozy."

Hikaru shifted, as if seriously mulling over the suggestion. It was so easy to mess with him...

"GAH!" Kaoru felt a sudden weight drop onto his chest. Hikaru, now sitting on Kaoru, leaned back and got comfortable, wiggling his butt all the while. "Hikaru! You're too heavy! Get off!"

Hikaru laughed. He lifted his legs onto the couch and sprawled himself over Kaoru. "But this was your idea." He ruffled his brother's hair.

The two locked eyes upon realizing how close their faces were. Kaoru lowered his eyelids seductively. "Wouldn't the girls just _love_ this?"

Hikaru played along. He leaned into Kaoru's ear. His voice was husky and well-practiced. "I know I do."

They heard a quiet gasp in the dark room. Hikaru looked up and saw a dark figure at the edge of the room. As his eyes focused, he recognized a maid with a stack of towels. She had her head down and was walking slowly, quietly, trying to disappear into the shadows so as not to "interrupt". He felt Kaoru tense underneath him, but Hikaru was never one to cut a performance short. He winked at Kaoru, who stared back in bewilderment.

"Oh, Kaoru!" he moaned loudly. "That feels SO good! Oh, Kaoru! Oh! Oh! _OH, KAORU_!"

They heard something crash into a table, frantic footsteps, then a door. All nervousness melted out of Kaoru's spine, and he burst out laughing. Hikaru did the same. Their breaths mingled and their stomachs heaved into one another. It was nice, sharing their laughter so intimately.

Kaoru sighed and Hikaru wiped his eye.

"I wonder what the staff must say about us," Kaoru said. He was joking, mostly, but there a tinge of anxiety in his tone. It was so slight that it was unnoticeable, but in Hikaru's ears, it was as loud as a bomb.

He stroked his brother's cheek. "It doesn't matter." It never mattered. For so long, it was them against the world. They didn't need anyone to understand them or even to like them. They had each other for that. But lately, Kaoru was acting strange. He was more outgoing, more friendly, more _honest_ with the outsiders. Ever so slowly, he was letting them in. These things _did_ matter to Kaoru. It was so slight that it was unnoticeable, but in Hikaru's eyes, it was as clear as sin. It was as if Hikaru wasn't _enough_ for him anymore…

Kaoru kissed his brother's cheek in return. "You're right, Hikaru… Now, would you please get off of me? And lose some weight," he teased. He slapped Hikaru's side.

Hikaru blushed. "We weigh the same, idiot!" He stood and grabbed Kaoru's pillow. "Let's get to bed. Rendezvous exhaust me."

"I bet the maid will have some good dreams about that," Kaoru grinned. "Or nightmares."

Hikaru laughed. "That's not my fault."

"It never is."

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**A/N: The idea of Kaoru being in the doghouse was hilarious to me. And that "OH KAORU" scene was _just_ a prank, in case anyone was confused. Heh...**

**Another confusing part was probably the actual argument. See, Hikaru had to do a presentation for class, but he went to the bathroom before his turn and basically stayed in the bathroom the rest of the period to get out of it because he was so nervous (how sneaky), so Kaoru pretended to be Hikaru and did the presentation for him even though he didn't do any research on the subject (because it wasn't Kaoru's assignment, duh). But Kaoru did a good job anyways because he's smart, but Hikaru's not convinced! And Kaoru didn't even feel the need to tell Hikaru until bedtime, lol. Something like that. Sorry, did I just confuse you more? :-/**


	3. Sacred

Title: Sacred

Summary: Kaoru can't stop thinking about a certain little tanuki girl. There's no denying that he has a crush, but is that all there is to it?

Words: 1600

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Kaoru leaned against the window of his shared bedroom. The curtains were drawn, letting the sun illuminate the book in his hands. Not that it helped his reading; he hadn't turned the page for twenty minutes.

He'd given up on making out the words in front of him. In every letter, he only saw big, brown eyes, heard a captivating nonchalant voice, smelt the earthiness of a careless haircut.

He and Hikaru had always been comfortable - a little too comfortable - invading people's personal space. He didn't know exactly when it became scary (but at the same time more necessary) to touch Haruhi here and there in that less-than-subtle Hitachiin manner.

Every part of her seemed sacred.

He couldn't help but notice how short her eyelashes were, how long her fingers were. He couldn't help but notice how she squinted when she smiled, how she fisted her palms when she was concentrating. He wanted to know everything about her. What made her sad, what made her happy. The only person he was more attentive to was his own brother, his other half, who was starting to look more like his other _third_. As uprooting as it was to have her cross that line so unexpectedly and so thoroughly, it was a guilty pleasure. Haruhi was the delicious secret of the host club, and that made Kaoru all the more giddy… and all the more greedy. He was one of the elite six who knew her secret, who knew that under the low voice and necktie, Fujioka was female.

He knew that there was a slight curve in her waist when he hoisted her, he knew that when he and Hikaru tugged her along, she was featherweight, he knew that under their costumes, her delicate legs were smooth and hairless. He also knew that under some of their costumes, she wore a sports bra (he could see the straps). Somewhere under her blazer, she had breasts, albeit small ones. And nobody else had the privilege to notice how they poked out the way they did when he hugged her or to conclude how lifted they must look or to wonder how firm to the touch they…

He felt a bitter tingle low on his abdomen. He squirmed, hoping to stop the throbbing before it started. He coughed quietly, hoping to dislodge the awful lump in his throat. He closed his eyes, hoping to forget all these thoughts he wished weren't his.

_Calm, happy thoughts_, he told himself and tried to occupy his mind with visions of the newest Hitachiin fashion line. He thought about his mom's main piece - the masterpiece of the season - the texture of the fabric, the intricate patterns in the stitching, the teases of bold color. It was enough to make a grown man cry.

When he opened his eyes, his reflection was staring right back at him with an amused glint. "Reading a naughty book, Kaoru?" Hikaru sang. "Tsk, tsk."

Kaoru slapped his twin's wagging finger away. "What are you talking about?" he glared.

"I can see how hot and bothered you are from all the way across the room." Hikaru caught his brother's head between his knuckles and started to dig. "Poor little Kaoru. Your innocence astounds me."

"As if!" Kaoru snorted and tried to pry his brother off of his bruising scalp. "You're the same way!"

Hikaru stood abruptly and tugged at Kaoru's book. "Try me," he said proudly and began to scan the page. On impulse, Kaoru grabbed the chaste book, snapped it shut, and tossed it (a little too roughly) at the wall.

Hikaru blinked, hands still gripping at an imaginary hardcover.

"I-I mean, uh…" Kaoru fumbled for an excuse for his violence towards the defenseless object. "It's _such_ a boring book, Hikaru," he pouted. "Really. I wish I hadn't read it. You wouldn't like it." If he wasn't blushing before, he was definitely blushing now, and he only blushed deeper knowing that Hikaru always saw straight through him.

Hikaru snickered. "Fine, keep your precious fantasies for yourself." He slapped Kaoru's back, and Kaoru's shoulders relaxed under the familiar touch. "Now how about you go get us a snack? We're gonna need some brain food to finish that history project."

Kaoru's face eased into a smile. "Right," he nodded. As soon as he reached the hall, though, he sighed, tense with the guilts of lust and lie.

He found himself rummaging aimlessly through the kitchen, opening and closing the same cupboards over and over again as his thoughts returned to a certain tanuki girl.

All of the hosts thought she was cute, verified by their many repetitions of the statement. But somewhere along the line, cute had turned into "pretty", which was something different entirely.

He'd thought girls were pretty before. Since a certain age, he'd found himself more and more fascinated with his skirt-wearing classmates. In middle school, there was a girl with a long, satin braid that he liked to stare at quite a bit. He caught Hikaru staring, too, on more than one occasion. She became their favorite prank target for several weeks, and Kaoru found he got a little thrill anytime she brushed his skin in her fright or looked straight at him after discovering something sticky on her desk. He liked that feeling, that odd tension in his stomach. He liked how smooth her lips were. He had quite a few dreams about those lips, and he knew that Hikaru did, too, after hearing him mumble her name between snores one night. It was an unspoken agreement between he and his twin that she would belong to neither of them, mostly because they didn't _really_ want her. They couldn't want her. They _wouldn't_ want someone who never referred to them by name, who took their sarcasm at face value, whose emotions for them only consisted of fright and enchantment. She was pretty, but she was boring, just like all the other Normals.

Haruhi wasn't Normal at all. She wasn't exactly normal when she was the frumpy, gay scholarship student, and then she wasn't normal when she was the cross-dressing host who didn't mind kissing a girl, and then she wasn't normal when eating a cookie out of her mouth and licking her cheek didn't make her flinch. But she wasn't _Normal_ when she loaned Kaoru a book that reminded her of him (and only him), and she wasn't Normal when she scolded Hikaru for his temper (and only Hikaru), and she wasn't Normal when she always knew which twin was speaking on the phone or which one was touching her shoulder or which one had written on her homework. The twins thrived on her attention. She saw, she understood, and she accepted. No, Haruhi wasn't Normal at all. Haruhi was Interesting.

They'd never met an Interesting girl before, and Kaoru was embarrassed to think that this was the sole reason his eyes lingered on her back every once in a while or his pulse quickened when she laughed. Surely, he wasn't that impressionable. Surely there was something deeper than novelty as to why he always wanted to talk to Haruhi even though she never had much to say or why he always wanted to touch her even though she never reacted. Could it be that she was _more_ than Interesting? Couldn't it be that he liked Haruhi… simply because she was Haruhi?

_Every_ part of her was sacred.

When he finally returned to his bedroom with a plate, Kaoru nearly had to bite his tongue off to keep from mentioning big eyes or skinny legs.

"Took you long enough!" Hikaru called before his brother had even entered the room. He waved the plate and the boy attached over to his bed. "Haruhi just texted me!" Kaoru stumbled - briefly, unnoticeably - at the name. "Looks like she stained her uniform again and needs to borrow a vest while it's at the dry cleaner's." Hikaru laughed at the screen, but underneath the amusement, there was a hint of admiration in his grin. It was the way he looked at their grandmother's bouquets; he didn't _want_ to be awestruck by that old hag's work, but he could never contain himself.

In that moment, Kaoru realized that Hikaru wasn't thinking about Haruhi the way he was - not consciously, anyways. Why? He wondered if locked somewhere deep inside his brother, there was silent fear, loneliness, need. He wished he could tell Hikaru he felt all those things too, but what solace could that offer? Kaoru had no idea what to do with a broken heart, especially someone else's. This was Hikaru's way of coping.

Both of them knew everything about Normal crushes. But did either know anything about - _what was this _ - love?

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**A/N: Sorry it's a little long. I feel like it got a little listy with all those commas and repetitions. Agree or disagree?**

**The sexual references are pretty tame (in my opinion), but I usually don't include _any_ in my stories. So did it sound awkward, unconvincing, etc?**

**I haven't written fiction in a while, so I'm pretty rusty. Please critique!**


	4. Safe

Title: Safe

Summary: The host club is up and running! Kaoru and Hikaru find it's an amusing way to pass the time, but will they get bored of their newest game? Kaoru thinks it might be worth their wile to stick around.

Words: 900

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"You seem to be gaining quite the fan base, Kaoru."

Kaoru looked up from filing his nails to see Kyouya looming over him, finishing off another note in his notebook.

"Heh. Yeah?" Kaoru chuckled. "You know, I wasn't convinced Boss's twincest idea was appropriate, but I underestimated how mentally disturbed the girls at this school are. Who knew so many got turned on by boy-on-boy? Brother-on-brother, no less. It's amazing!" The host club had only been up and running for a little over a month, but their popularity had grown quickly. Kaoru was still getting used to talking to so many people each day. He'd never admit it, but it was nice hearing a voice other than Hikaru's sometimes.

Kyouya smirked to himself. "It certainly is a phenomenon of our times." _Ignorant creatures_, he thought. "However, I was referring to your character specifically."

Kaoru froze, only to quickly resume filing his nails. He wasn't about to let on just how desperately interested he was to hear the details; that would only encourage the Shadow King to charge ransom.

"Another young lady approached me to today to tell me personally just how impressed she was with your… 'shyness'."

Kaoru didn't look up. "Another?"

"Third one this week."

A silent anticipation filled the air. Kyouya pretended not to notice as he tucked away his notebook. Only now did Kaoru look up, but the ever-ominous glint of Kyouya's glasses prevented full eye contact. Kaoru let the idea sink in for a moment, then shrugged half-heartedly. "Well, I am the uke," he said, a bit quieter than before.

The older boy's tone grew serious. "Don't get lazy thinking that you're part of a set. The girls like your vulnerability, even if it's false. That's your selling point, Kaoru. Since you and Hikaru are listed as a pair, your persona needs to be twice as developed as the other hosts', not half. Understood?"

The younger boy nodded dumbly. He had fans? Not Kaoru-and-Hikaru fans, but Kaoru fans? Vulnerable, uke-Kaoru, but still…

_Not part of a set_…?

He glanced at Hikaru, who was currently sprawled on the music room sofa with a handheld game.

"Kyouya, how did you…" He stared intently at his manicure, suddenly very self-conscious. "Never mind."

The freshman sighed and adjusted his glasses. "You're wondering how I knew you were Kaoru?"

Kaoru's eye twitched. Seriously, was this guy a mind-reader?

"It's not that hard," the older shrugged. "Not when you two are separated like this." He glanced at the redhead, whose face betrayed that he didn't comprehend a thing. He continued. "Have you forgotten I'm stuck with you imbeciles for two hours every single day?" He paused here for a breath, just long enough to let the insult sink in. "And it's not just me. Obviously Tamaki has put the most effort into figuring you two out, but to an extent, we can all tell the difference."

_To an extent_… _When you two are separated_… Kaoru felt a pang of disappointment from those words, but he knew that was unreasonable. This was still more than he ever expected, and it overwhelmed him.

"No offense, but you twins are the least socially intelligent of the hosts. I guess it can't be helped, what with your friendless record."

Kaoru's cheeks broke out in crimson. "H-HEY, that's not-!"

"It'd do you two good to realize," the other interrupted, "that the men in this club are loyal. We are loyal to our president. And Tamaki has obviously taken a liking to you two. He even calls you his sons."

"What an idiot."

"Yes, I agree," Kyouya said coolly. "But he takes his role seriously. He pesters me every day about how he wants to make this club a 'safe place to be', not only for the customers but for the other hosts. If you plan on staying here for the long term, it wouldn't hurt to return his kindness now and then." He adjusted his glasses and glanced at the twin through the corner of his eye.

Kaoru fidgeted under the heavy gaze and looked away stubbornly. He'd been found out, he knew that, but he'd be damned to verify the freshman's notion that he did, in fact, want more than anything to stay in the club. No, he'd stick to his guns and insist until his deathbed that this was just a hobby to ease his chronic boredom. Anything else would surely jinx him.

Kyouya scribbled a new observation in his notebook. "That is all," he said plainly. Kaoru was still staring at his hands when he heard the _click-click-click_ of Kyouya's perfect footsteps. He looked at his brother, who obviously hadn't heard a thing. Then, he looked across the room at Tamaki, who was still tidying up the snack table.

_He calls you his sons_…

Kaoru snorted. Yep, the guy was a dimwit, alright. He couldn't even make a decent metaphor. Yet Kaoru couldn't choke down his smile.

"Hey, Boss," he called. "You're gonna break something like that, moron! Geez, let me get those!"

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**A/N: I hope it wasn't too OOC? Not sure this would be considered fluff or not... Hope you enjoy!**

**This one takes place when the twins are still in middle school and first joined the host club.**


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